California Salmon Await Governor’s Order To Re-Open Schools

Crescent City, CA – The annual Northern California salmon run has been put on hold due to Covid-19 restrictions. Unable to social distance in packed rivers and tight creeks, these fish have remained in the ocean avoiding a run that would lead to certain death. The governor of California may ultimately allow the salmon to school-up and run, despite the obvious risks of Covid-19 and political pressure. The Fish Union has been vehemently opposed to the opening of salmon schools. A spokesperson for the FU has stated, “…if the salmon are allowed back in schools, all fish should be allowed back in schools”. When the governor was asked why he would allow the run, he responded, “…my wealthier constituents love the salmon”. Story still developing…

UPDATE:

Every salmon that made it to their spawning grounds has died. Official cause, Covid-19.

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